I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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