i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
