Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
