I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
