i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
