I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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