He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
