Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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