i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
