Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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