someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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