My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
