if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
