I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
