I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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