Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
