I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
