i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
