your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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