Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You ruined the universe
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
