I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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