So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
