i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
