Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize