these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
