I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
