just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
