I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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