I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
