I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
