Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
