I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
