Can i not drive my cunt home
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
