Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
