I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
