High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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