dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
