: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
