It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
