HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
