i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
