I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
