watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
