Don't make out with my wife yet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
