Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
