Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
