I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
