he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
