How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
