His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
