I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
