the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
