im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
