Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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