You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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