I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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