So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
