I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
