i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
