she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
