she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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