I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
