we made out on top of his cat.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
