So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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