you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
