so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
