Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
