Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
