I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she looked like the before picture.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's always time for handjobs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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