The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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